The Sarah Palin Doctrine: A Woman Can Be Vice President …Even if she is a Republican

By Howard Melamed
September 15,2008

As a proud Canadian America, I recently had an opportunity to reflect on the up coming election and McCain’s choice for Vice President.

Last week, I was asked to speak at my Alma Mata, McGill University located in Montreal Canada, on my recent book,  “the Science of Opportunity”.  Afterwards, my family ( all Canadians) met me for supper at a famous steak house in Montreal called Moishes.   Sitting at the table, I quickly realized just how American I have become and more importantly how Republican I have become.  I also realized that Canada is nothing more than a socialistic haven for left wing democrats, the ones that Alec Baldwin would feel comfortable around.

My friends and family noted it too, since they said that I have been brain washed by those war mongrel, environment hating, gas guzzling rich oil men and  car company executives known as  Republicans who are hell bent on destroying the world.


“Where did you get this opinion  from? ”

” We watch CNN. We are not stupid. ”

My face went blank.

So I  asked one of my cousins if he supports Obama’s energy plan.  He mentioned that Obama is a great man that is for ‘Change’. What Change? My cousin replied that Obama is going to make sure that solar power will be prevalent and that we will have fuel efficient cars.  How would that make my cousin happy? I found out that he owns stock in a Solar Energy company in the US.

“So you’re a Republican ”  I replied.  He was not happy.

Then I asked him what car he drives.

” If you believe in the ‘Green’ nonsense, and global warming and all that stuff, certainly you are driving a fuel efficient Prius? ”

“No” said my Canuk cousin. “I am driving a Mercedes coup.”

” How much gas millage does that get? ”

“11 miles to the gallon.”

“I see. So all this environmental stuff is important to you and that is why you want me to vote ‘Democrat?”

” All you think about is the money.” He screamed back.  ” That is all you Republicans care about!”

This was an odd sentence coming from my rich Mercedes driving million dollar homeowner  cousin.

Being a Canadian American, I owed it to my countries ( yes both Canada and the United States)  to try to clear up other misnomers and misconceptions.  So I began my retort.

“Now , about this war mongrel blah blah blah…… Last time I looked, Canada has troops in Afghanistan actively fighting .”

“That’s different”. Said my ‘leave the bashing of those seals in Canada to the Eskimo’s’ cousin.

“I understand.  And do you know who is the number one supplier of that nasty Uranium fuel  to all of the countries in the world?  Canada.”

“That’s different”.

“I understand.  but, you would have me vote for Obama, because the Republicans are the war mongrels.”

Good thing these Canadians never took me up on my offer to buy the country and make them all Americans.  ( See article on Let’s Buy Canada , Eh? click here).

Right after my dinner, ( supper in Canada eh?) I was able to watch the ABC interview where the news reporter asked Palin direct questions.

“The Bush Doctrine” he said, “What do you think about it?”

Palin asked him to explain what he meant. I wanted to get the explanation as well, since I was unaware that the Bush Doctrine ever existed.  The Bush Doctrine turns out to be something that the democrats came up with to describe a policy whereby the US will attack a country that it feels will attack us first.  Pre-Strike.  Sounds good to me.  Just never knew it had a name.   So, Palin is of course was being attacked by the Obamites for not being smart enough to know something that every Democrat knows.  The fact that she is a Republican certainly is no excuse for not carrying a Democratic tune.

As a Republican, Palin would know about the Clinton Doctrine : when you can’t keep your little soldier in your pants.

How about the Obama Doctrine?  When you are so inexperienced that you speak in double talk and unclear sentences.

Or the  Biden Doctrine, when a politician can never ever be president because of hoof and mouth disease. That is when you speak without thinking that the only way to stop stupid things from coming out of your mouth is to put your foot in it.  “Hilary Clinton would have been a better choice then me” said Biden. Turns out, Biden is right, and obviously recongnized what I am about to call the Palin Doctrine.

The Palin Doctrine is of course what will no doubt be something that the Democrats will be speaking about after they lose the next election, due the fact that the Hillary  Doctrine wasn’t what they followed.  Let me be the first to speak it so all of us Republicans can get it right and can ask a Democrat why they didn’t know it.

The top ten key points in the Palin Doctrine are:

1.  A woman is as smart as a man, if not smarter.

2. A woman can have the same inexperience as any other vice president that has ever ran for office or will run for office.  ( However, having the same inexperience as the opposing parties presidential candidate forces the opposing party to attack you like a pack of wolves going after fresh meat…so be careful.  This is a corollary to this key point  )

3.  Any American, man or woman,  can run for office even though they are from a small town or a state that has less than a million people.  This was proven prior to Palin, since Howard Dean, A governor  of the State of Vermont, with a population less than Alaska actually ran for President, and not vice President.  ( Almost made it except for when the press murdered him for squeaking a cheer).

4. Any woman with a family can be vice President  the same as any Man with a family. ( be careful here…. it looks like the size of the family matters. 5 kids may be too many…I just don’t know!)

5. A woman running for Vice President can bring out the best chauvinistic attitude out of any male Democrat.

6. A Man’s place is in the kitchen.  A Woman’s place is anywhere.

7. Supporting a Woman because she is a woman is the same as supporting any minority background leader because they are part of a minority group.

8.  A woman running for office needs to be subjected to a higher standard than any male running for the same position, not because it is fair, but because they are better than any man running for office ( except for McCain of course).

9.   You can put lipstick on a man but that will make him look funny.

and finally…my favorite:

10.  A Woman running for office has  to have a bigger set of balls than any man running for the same office.

There are more I am sure.

However, the one thing I can tell you is that the more the left wing media,  CBS, ABC, NBC, and CNN try to go after Palin for petty stupid inappropriately discussed matters,  the more I like her as a Vice President.  Can you imagine?  Bill Clinton, the man that lied to the entire country and fooled around on his wife and took advantage of a young woman,  is being brought out to help Obama counter the jump in polls experience by the choice of a woman Vice Presidential Candidate!

When I asked this of my Canadian friends, they said that the best years that the United States experienced was when Bill Clinton was in office.  It doesn’t matter to them that he was a cheat and a liar.  The economy was great.

“So it is about money?” I said to my  cousin.  “That is why you want Obama in…This ideological  theoretical stuff is bull ! ”

There was a pause. No one answered.

“You are Republicans! You just don’t know it yet”.  I confirmed with an ‘eh’ at the end.

The lesson as taught.  Good thing we ( Americans) beat them in the war of 1812.

The good news.   Canadians don’t vote. As Canadian American, I do.  It’s McCain- Palin for me.  I like the chick. She has a great Canadian accent and likes to hunt Moose.


Author: HelpMeHoward