78 Year Old Coral Springs Grandmother Didn’t Sleep With Tiger Woods

Mrs. Williams upset that Tiger never mentioned Sex when she met him

by Howard Melamed

Coral Springs Florida:   The greatest golfer of all time, greatest draw ever seen to the sport of golf  and womanizer ,  Tiger Woods,  was declared a bastard by 78 year old  Mrs. Jean Williamson, resident of the Coral Springs Senior residences located at 9625 West Sample Road.  Williamson claims that Tiger Woods met her a few years back at one of the senior citizen functions held at the local Heron Bay golf course during the Honda Classic that used to be held there.

” I was in the welcome tent alone with Tiger Woods, when he came over to me and shook my hand ”  stated Williamson ” He was a nice fellow with such a fine tan.  HE was so pleasant, and actually asked me if I enjoyed golf. ”  Williams said with a chuckle.

“I told him that I love holding the putter and playing with those little balls”  Williams said with a chuckle.  “now  I find out that he has been sleeping with these women who met him,  playing with the exact same items as I described.  ”  ” The bastard never slept with me!  I know how to play.  After all I once was young you know “. She added with a harsh bitterness in her voice similar to eating some parsley that has been slightly soured by a few days out of the refrigerator.

In a recent poll performed by this website,  When asked ” Would you gladly sleep with tiger Woods, even though he is married ” , we  found that 68 percent of the woman in this city would have gladly slept with Tiger woods, while  17 percent of the male population confirmed the same statement..   In one case,  a woman added “It would have been my pleasure ” .  The other 15% that claimed no comment,  where deemed to be right wing republicans that refused to answer any question that dealt with the ten commandments .

In digging deeper into the history of sports, when it came to popular sports figures sleeping around,  it was discovered that it actually improved their game and popularity. .  Speak with an expert on the topic , Chief Physiatrist of the   Cypress Glen Hospital of the Sick of mind,  Dr. Henry Mortgantaler put it all in an interesting perspective.

“We have been studying Tiger Woods for many many years now, and have looked at him as a phenomena.  I mean,  no other sports figure since Babe Ruth has ever been able to hold off the massive advances of woman that simply drive them absolutely nuts, due to their celebrity status.  Woman that sleep with a megastar usually do so because they are a megastar. “Dr. Mortgenstaler added ‘ However in this case  Tiger had looked so Homely that everyone really would believe that someone with his status was so holy as not to have been affected by the same phenomena.” he added.

In the discussion,  the doctor pointed out  that the first name “Tiger”  was the most commonly used name given to a man whose sexual prowess was affirmed.  Then there is the term ” Woods” or “Woodie” as some would say adding to the possibility of the reference to a male part used in the performance of sex or might have referred to some forest in Hawaii.

In the conclusion of this report,  I can only state that whoever thought that Golf was boring,  better get with it.  There is no other sport in the world that would make such a big deal out of a superstar who has slept around to the point that he would not be allowed to play.  IF we can allow  Michael Vic , the dog killer,  to play in our professional football,  we certainly would want to see  Tiger Woods, the lover, the greatest golf player of all time.

We would of course be paying more attention to the sport,  now that we know it is not about the size of the putter or the little balls they play with….


Author: HelpMeHoward