by Howard Melamed
|First Draft 03/06/02The City of Coral Springs announced at the last city commission meeting that they are now in show business. They have spent public funds to acquire the necessary production equipment to produce their own television shows. The first show produced was “The City Manager’s State of the Union Address’. It aired already. The neilson ratings aren’t out yet but if I were to put my money on it, I bet not many of the Coral Springs Citizens really tuned in. The question is of course, to what extent is the city going to continue the propaganda. You know the “Coral Springs: The Premier Place to Live Work and Raise a Family” line.
There are several problems with having the City of Coral Springs do their own production. One of them is that they are spending our tax money doing so. The other is the realization that maybe they all take themselves too seriously. ‘They all’ meaning the city commissioners and all of the other employees that think Coral Springs is its own country.
The city commissioners commented that this TV gig is a good thing. ‘Certainly, nobody could complain that we do not communicate with the public” said another. Perhaps it is the type of communication that I am worried about. It is typical for this city government to show only the good sides of their fiefdom. Not one of our city commissioners or the mayor are willing to show the realistic picture of the city, and its diversity of people. Not one would ever mention that we do have some people that are not as fortunate as those that buy into the Coral Springs , Premier city to live, work and raise a family. In fact, you will see no Realty TV with the Coral Springs City Production Company. Instead what you will see is Fantasy TV, propaganda made to con you into thinking that all is well, and you could possibly want no more. That gets the politicians reelected and the City Manager keeping his job.
But what about good TV programming? Will the city compete with the Prime Time world of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, and Wheel of Fortune ? Would the city dare to produce a Sex in the City or even a Sesame Street? No. Don’t think so. Instead we will get only the City of Coral Springs City Mangers Report or Code Enforcement: Your Friends to Better Living. It reminds me all of the TV show the Prisoner. Maybe we will actually have a Number 1. Maybe all of this programming will only be Number 2.
I thought about the type of shows that the city of Coral Springs would actually excel in. The shows that would attract attention, and if well thought out and a few top actors, the city might even be able to syndicate it! I put together this list complete with some music and pictures that I think would be o interest. Here are some of my original ideas:
Coral Springs 33065: The program evolves around some Coral Springs Lifeguards at the Coral Springs swimming pools located in the Coral Springs Parks. Muscular Guys with no brains meet petite girls with no brains. They go around the city saving people in their swimming pools. Great Bathing suits and sexy shots will make this a hit!
Station 95 Where are You? The fire department volunteers of Station 95 who are sometimes there and sometimes not will show up to fires and other emergency calls on a maybe basis. The City fools them by closing the station then opening it before elections. The Volunteer fire department goes around the city searching for a place to park their trucks. It would be a great hit!
The Coral Springs Hillbillies A dot com corporate executive living in the boon docks of Hackensack New Jersey Strikes it rich when his site is sold to Yahoo. He is told by his kin folks said move away from their. They piled up their truck and they moved to Coral Springs… Florida that is. Movie Stars …No signs.
Coral Springs Five-Oy! The Coral springs Police Department headed by Chief Arigo (Hawaiian decent) do their best to solve crimes and stop would be car thieves. The notorious City Traffic Department constantly changes speed limit signs in their efforts to thwart (yes I said thwart) criminally insane old ladies driving in excess of the speed limit with no license. For kicks the entire department gets together and heads to the front of their police department on Coral Springs Drive to watch the complete idiots speeding past the Police Department. The Detectives chance down leads of people stealing palm trees and replanting them on city property.
Sex Not in This City : 4 thirty year old spinsters get together at various chicken restaurants in the city to compare notes on not meeting guys. They soon find out that city bylaws prohibit any sort of sexual activities between the hours of 6:00 pm. and 6:00 am. However, they could buy a gun at the K-Mart store, but not at the Wal Mart Store. This leaves most of the audience thinking if they really know why you can buy a gun a the K-Mart but not the Wal Mart, and keeps them coming back week after week after week.
The Commish : The constant antics of the City Commissioners of Coral Springs. One episode they are on a power trip, that results in a vote to give them the title Commissioners For Life. They then pass a law removing every 2nd Tuesday from the calendar thereby keeping the public in the dark when it comes to city government. On another episode they actually pass a law banning breathing in Public Parks. The law says that you can breath out but not in. Another episode involves dirty tricks by the ruling commissioners as they constantly change the by-laws concerning the color of houses. They hire a color blind zoning official that approves or disapproves the color someone wants to paint their houses. Complete with back stabbing, mud slinging verbiage against all news media sources, this cast of characters would fill in perfectly in our town. Sound Track Click Here
Hogan’s Heroes: Eagle Trace residents wage a constant battle to try to escape from their prisoner of war compound. They dig a tunnel under Lakeview Blvd strategically placed near Strathmore Bagels. The constant flow of Prisoners though the tunnel provide comical situations with the Security Guards at the entrance to the compound.
Other ideas : Leave it to Polin. Berkes Law. John Sommerers Night Gallery.
If you have any other suggestions, please send them in. I would be happy to publish them and even pass them on to the Production Manager over at the city.