Coral Springs Florida , Dec 22 2012: At 2 am EST the end of the world happened and nobody noticed. In fact I am disappointed that nobody actually showed up to the end of the world party I had made at my home. I invited almost everyone. No one showed up.
I invited CNN. After all, I think they were the first ones to actually break this story indicating that according to the Mayan’s and of course their reliable sources, they actually had a date picked. December 22 2012. I am not sure who they contacted from the Mayanian community because they vanished more than 500 years ago. They did leave the note however, since CNN found it, reported it as being accurate. They even did a poll of Americans and 48 Percent believed that the world would end on December 22 , 32 percent that it was more like the 23rd, 19 percent agreed that is was more than likely the 22 but it could be the 23rd as well. Of the people that indicated December 22 was the date, 92% were in favor of marijuana being legalized while 62% believed that Santa Clause was coming to town.
I was equally amazed that the same attention given to mere hurricanes was not given to the End of the World. I was hoping to see a reporter on the east coast , one on the west, and one in New York , since everyone knows everything happens in New York. I turned on the news, and not one station was reporting the end of the world.
However, the weather channel, that no one watches did have a short 2 minute spot where the report transcript was :
” Here I am, the weather is quite still at the moment, winds at 10 mph coming in for the east…..and yes there is a surfer in the water obviously disregarding the end of the world. Sir…can I have a word with you ”
“haven’t you heard that the end of the world is about to happen.”
“Yes dude….I saw CNN.”
“So you simply chose to ignore the end of the world?”
“Nope Dude. In fact, I am counting on it. I figure the wave are going to be monstronamus.”
“There we have it….another surfer dude ignoring the warnings….Back to you Tom”
Nothing. No reporters. There was some mention on Fox news about the fact that once again 62% of the population was disappointed that the world did not end. 82% of the republicans blamed it on Obama, indicating that if he was only doing his job, the End of the World would have in fact happened, and that the Messiah would be arriving shortly. OF the 82% 85% said that Obama should in step down so that the Messiah could come bringing to an end the world as we know it. Their recent study showed that in fact the 2% earning more than 250K would suffer more than the 98% middle class if the world would end.
There are a few friends of mine that were counting on the world to end on time. they ran up their credit card debt, assured of the facts of the end of the world, and now are quite disappointed and dismayed that they actually have to pay back what they owe.
There was also this guy in California that incorrectly predicted the world was going to end a few years ago, that now says he actually predicated the end to predictions about the world coming to an end. A recent Poll taken indicated that 38% of the population actually believes that the guy in California that incorrectly predicted the end of the world correctly predicted the end of the world a few years ago. 42% believed that the Mayans were in fact right. 19% said that neither the Mayans or the crazy guy from California were right, and that the world already came to an end when Obama was reelected.
A recent Coral Springs poll indicated that 51% of our citizens couldn’t care less of what happened to the world as long as their property taxes don’t increase in the coming year, and that you don’t smoke at any of our parks. Another 28% of the remaining 49% sent me emails already predicting the amount of spelling errors that I would have in this article, since they could do nothing about the end of the world but plenty about complaining on my bad grammar.
The city council will be voting on this at the upcoming city commission meeting, which was cancelled due to the fact that 4 out of 5 city commissioners believe that the world was going to end and they wanted to be at home watching CNN reporters covering the end of the world ( which they stated at the next meeting that they actually saw the reporters on CNN, which of course was a lie, since there was only one reporter and he was on the Weather Channel, which no one could have seen that subscribes to Advanced Coral Springs Cable TV, since they had not renewed the weather channel as they thought as well that end of the world was coming since they watch CNN.)
Now that the Inca’s.Mayans, Nostradamus, several members of the Republican Tea Party, a few communists in the Democratic party and Ross Perot have incorrectly predicted the end of the world, several times, of course they have actually never gotten this right, which is quite obvious because had the end of the world occurred as they had all predicted you would not be reading this article , I guess we will still have to deal with Revelation in the New Testament and Isaiah in the Old Testament to find out when the end of the world will actually happen. Or, we can go about our business, improve this simple planet that we are living on once we figure out that everyone’s world ends eventually. At least that way we can make the best of it, and stop listening to people who’s world ended 500 years ago, right after they made the wrong prediction.