Who’s to Blame for all of these Hurricanes

Update: If the National Hurricane Center employees worked for Donald Trump they would all be …..Fired

I am getting a little tired of the National Hurricane Center providing me with information that is inaccurate.   The recent episode of Hurricane Charlie,  Frances and now Ivan showed that the 5 day track of any hurricane is no more accurate than throwing darts at a dart board after drinking a few beers.  By the way…..let’s drop the ‘s’ from FRANCES already since the intelligent reader already knows that Frances should have been spelled F R A N C I S , if that’s the way you pronounce it.  If they can make a mistake on the spelling of a simple name, no wonder they are off with their 5 day forecasts!

Just when we were starting to relax a bit, along came the NHC telling us that we are going to get hit by a 5 no 4 no 3 no 4….Category hurricane IVAN and that it might, maybe , not sure, don’t rely on what I am telling ..says the NHC , hit South Florida. Now, they are scaring us with Hurricane Jeanne!  I am just getting back to my Coralsprings.com Slim Fast and Sushi diet because I gained another 10 pounds just eating my way through the last storm ( Many thanks to Pasquales Pizza that did me a favor and remained open so that I can eat while watching the radar screen)  and the NHC has to spoil my day by announcing gleefully that there is a chance that it may, most probably, less probable hit an area that is almost the size of the entire middle east….somewhere here….but not in North Dakota…for sure, maybe, but don’t rely on our predictions as we don’t really know what we are talking about.

Even though the NHC employees know that their advice on Hurricane Ivan, including predictions and 3 day forecasts were ALL WRONG,  no one at the center has owned up and said that they had been wrong.  It would have been great for them to say ” Hay We have no clue as to what’s happening with “IVAN” then have them supply us with bullshit predictions. IVAN slid over to the west beyond any of their models, and they gave us bad advice every day with respect to this storm.  They should have said nothing or they should take responsibility for their actions.  Can you imagine if these guys were employed as Air Traffic Controllers? ” Delta 105 descend to 10,000 no 30,000 , maybe feet, oops wrong airport it should be 1000 miles to the north, and you have traffic at 4 o’clock, maybe 7,…..Trust me.”

Why can’t the hurricane center use Cartoon Character names instead of people? This way they can associate their prediction more closely with the accuracy of the hurricane.  “Goofy”, “Tasmanian Devil”, or how about  “Donald DUCK!” .  Cartoon land is where they all the employees of the NRC live if they feel that they can provide us with accurate predictions.

The problem is that we depend on their predictions.  The Keys were evacuated at a tremendous cost, all the public in South Florida expended a lot of money in food supplies  ( that now we have to eat and get fat) , and let’s not talk about New Orleans which now has to scramble like crazy to get out of the way of Hurricane Ivan.  The National Hurricane Center has a responsibility to us to provide accurate information, and when they cannot, they should say so instead of sucking in the limelight on national television providing us with the new Reality TV series entitled ‘ Public Money Wasted on Government Employees’.  If Donald Trump was in charge…they would be fired!

Who is to really at blame for all these hurricanes? After all, there has always got to be someone to blame.  Here are a few of my theories:

WHO’S TO BLAME #1: National Hurricane Center

The atheist can’t blame it on God, so its not her/his fault.  You must blame it on the National Hurricane Center.  Now, what if they are really the ones that are directing the hurricane toward us. I mean, with their millions and millions of dollars worth of equipment,  certainly they may be actually driving the large vortexes to our door step.  I think they actually enjoy the misery we  are all going through when they make their announcements. Its sort of the bully at a Dodge Ball game I used to play in High School.  You know….The guy with the ball used to fake to the right and throw to the left…that is exactly what they do with all of the their so called models.  These guys must be in control of the direction or how can they think they can predict where it is going?

Who’s To Blame #2:

The Eveready Bunny.  Just think of it.  Follow the money flow….Batteries are lying on all of those store shelves, Eveready needs to unload them….Boom! Create a Hurricane and send it to South Florida, and you know have the obnoxious little toy bunny laughing at us as we all gobble up the stale batteries that they would have to through out anyways. It’s got to be the Ever Ready Bunny!

Who’s to Blame #2:

Jeb Bush. Is it a coincidence that just when the Tax on Gasoline goes back on, they announce the Hurricane is going to hit and …Bam!!! …Like sheep we all start lining up to fill our tanks like maybe there won’t be a tomorrow and just maybe we’ll have to go somewhere after the hurricane hits and there is no where to go. You know, the Bush Family, Oil , Iraq…Hurricanes.  It must be Jeb at the control.   If Jeb, who is only a mere Governor can move hurricanes where he wants to , can you imagine the power his brother has? I want to be in their good favor.  That’s why I vote Republican.

Who’s to Blame #3

Home Depot and Publix.  They have conspired to probably pay off the NHC to create the Hurricanes so that they can turn a slow year into a Big YEAR. Just think,   Home Depot had all that plywood on the shelves that no one was buying, and those generators, shutters, and even ….yes even the Masking Tape that some of our idiot citizens with absolutely no clue of what a Hurricane is really about,  buying the stuff so that they can tape up the windows. What’s that going to do? All they are really doing is creating  a target for the mighty wind as it winds up and throws another roofing tile  shattering the glass and …ok I get it. With the tape you now can tape the glass back together again!   And Publix…..well, they have all that Milk and Bread on the shelves that had an expiration date coming up.   This was a great way of getting us all to pay for water that they fill out of a tap.

Who’s to blame #4

Channel 7 News.  Obviously they wanted to get these hurricanes so that they can interrupt that programming they make nothing on and get us to tune into their gloom and doom reports with some poor non-unionized reporter standing on a beach somewhere filming an idiot on the beach…… Brian Norcross on Channel 4,  lost his voice because he was so excited.  He was like Jerry Lewis on the MDA Telethon, never sleeping until the storm passed.  Obviously its these guys\that steer that hurricane toward us.

Who’s to Blame #5

Osama Ben Laden . Must be.  I mean, maybe in the caves in Afghanistan, he is secretly directing  Allah, blessed be he,  to lash out at all of us infidels and create the fiery hell that so many of the terrorists would like to see.  It must be him….

Who’s to Blame # 6

Issie, my next door neighbor.  I mean he is always so negative , he even said to me that Hurricane Frances is going to hit us 5 days before. How did he know? My cousin Steve is the same way. He said ‘ This One is Going to Hit us’. He proclaimed it and it happened! Wow! .  All that negative energy along with all of those people putting up those magnetically charged hurricane shutters that attract the positive energy form the Hurricanes direct the hurricanes to us.  It must be Issie and Steve!

Who’s to Blame #7

North Carolina.  The entire population of Charlottesville.  They were tired of year after year being the target of so many hurricanes that they collectively got together and made a State of Florida Doll,, then started to perform some Voodoo magic placing pins on Stuart, Punta Gorde,  and Coral Springs! This caused the Hurricanes to stop heading towards them all of the time and …guess what. It must be working.  Now all we have to do is make a doll that looks like the state of North Carolina. just like we did last year ….. and place the pin back on Charlottesville. We don’t have much time so let’s get together at city hall before Monday……

Who’s to Blame #8.

Mobile Homes.  All that metal combined with all of the stupid people that decide  sit out the hurricane while hanging on to the chemical toilet as  the wicked witch of the east picks up the trailer and hurls it several miles to Oz.  After all, I have seen the reports where Tornadoes are always attracted to them.  It seems that wherever there is a tornadoes it always hits the Mobile Home Park! It must be them.

Who’s to blame #9

My son Stevan. You see, he is at UCF Electrical Engineering ( so he tells me) and that he had a paper due at the end of the week.  Whenever he has a paper due and he doesn’t finish it along comes a hurricane giving him some e additional time. He must be the messiah or so his mother thinks so.  Every time! And guess what.  He has another assignment paper due next week that he is having problems and ….. he needs more time….I am starting to install the Shutters on the Windows now!

Who’s to Blame #10:

All of us. I mean since most of us are imports, and the only true Floridian was created when a brother and sister married, ( except for my good friends of course) then we all moved down here from the cold weather of the north. The penalty for living in this tropical paradise is every so often we have to endure some excitement during Hurricane season. Most of the time we duck it.  This year it happens to be a little ‘overblown’ .   There is no place in the world that doesn’t have something to worry about. I was in Maui this summer, and it was a beautiful place except for 4 things:  Hurricanes, Volcanoes, Earthquakes and Tsunamis.  I’ll tale a little ‘Blow’ ones in a while and I will keep living in South Florida…Despite my next door neighbor Issie directing those hurricanes towards us……..



Author: HelpMeHoward