What People Say vs. What They Really Mean

by Howard Melamed 08/08/2025

From my experience everyday conversation is full of polite padding, careful hedging, and strategic vagueness.

Most of us don’t always say exactly what we mean—and we’ve all heard these expressions a thousand times.

This is not about AI. We need to recognize what we say is important. I find that people constantly use the same expressions since few realize we all know what they are really saying.

Here’s my tongue-in-cheek translation guide to what people say versus what they really mean. If you have others to add then please drop me an email since I appreciated Constructive Critics and your opinion is so important to me 🙂

People say…	What they really mean
Are you joking?	I know you’re not joking.
Are you kidding me?	I know you’re lying.
At the end of the day…	Nothing you said before this matters.
Can I be frank with you?	I’m about to drop a bombshell—“Frank” is irrelevant.
Can I be honest with you?	I haven’t been honest until now.
Can I tell you the truth?	What follows isn’t exactly “the truth.”
Can you keep a secret?	It won’t be a secret after this (I couldn’t keep it either).
Can you take constructive criticism?	You’re about to be insulted.
Do you have a second?	I’m about to waste your time.
Do you see what I’m saying?	You don’t, but I need you to agree.
Don’t get me wrong…	You’re going to get this wrong.
Don’t mind me saying…	Of course you’ll mind.
Don’t take this the wrong way…	There’s no right way to take what I’m about to say.
Here’s the deal…	There is no deal—just pressure to sign.
I’m doing this for your own good.	You’re about to get burned.
I’m just saying…	You’re missing my point.
I’m only trying to help.	I’m not actually going to help.
I’m right behind you.	You take the arrows; I’ll hide behind you.
I’m sorry you feel that way.	I don’t care how you feel.
I’m telling you this for your own good.	I’m clearing my conscience (and I’ll say “told you so” later).
I’m the last person you should worry about.	I’m the first person you should worry about.
I can’t recall.	I’d rather not remember.
I haven’t given it any thought.	Your position isn’t important to me.
I know what you’re thinking…	I’m about to corner you into agreeing with me.
I prefer not to say.	It’s stupid, a lie, or I have no clue.
I swear on my life/kids/mother…	I’m about to lie.
I wish I could help you.	I can’t and won’t.
I’m done.	Case closed.
If you say so.	I don’t believe a word of it.
If you want to know the truth…	I hope you buy the BS I’m about to sell.
It goes without saying…	I’m going to say it anyway.
It’s never happened before.	It’s happened—many times.
Keep this between us.	Everyone already knows; you’re last.
Let me explain this to you.	I think you’re too dense—so here we go again.
Let me give you some constructive criticism.	It’s just criticism.
Let’s call this a learning experience.	It went badly and we learned nothing.
Let’s get together real soon.	Don’t call—I won’t answer.
Needless to say…	I’m repeating the obvious.
No bullshit.	All bullshit.
No offense…	This will offend you.
Push comes to shove…	You’re about to get pushed and shoved.
Put your money where your mouth is.	Shut up.
Same difference.	I can’t defend my position.
Someday we’ll know the true story.	No one ever will.
Speaking of which…	I’ve been rambling; here’s what I really wanted to discuss.
That’s a good question.	Finally, one I can answer (or a planted question).
That’s what they say.	I’m making this up; there is no “they.”
The book says…	Nobody’s read that book (often quoted after a bad decision).
The narrative…	Here’s my opinion without owning it.
The one thing I can tell you is: I’m not a liar.	I’m a liar.
There’s nothing I’m telling you that you can trust.	Don’t trust me.
They couldn’t prove it.	I got away with it.
They say…	I’m making this up and hoping you won’t check.
This isn’t personal.	You’re about to get screwed.
This will only take a minute.	It will take forever.
To be honest…	I’m about to lie—or admit the rest was BS.
To tell you the truth…	Now I’ll say what I actually believe.
Tying my hands behind my back…	I’ll blame someone else for what I’m about to do.
We appreciate your business.	We don’t; there are plenty of other customers.
We’ll discuss this internally and let you know.	We won’t—please go away.
We’ll see.	I’ll never decide.
What a coincidence…	I planned it.
What’s the meaning of this?	It’s meaningless.
Whatever.	Conversation over.
When push comes to shove…	You can’t count on me—especially under pressure.
Who knows?	Everyone but me.
With all due respect…	I have no respect for your opinion.
You are important to us.	We don’t care what you think.
You’re missing the point.	I failed to convince you.
You’re the only one.	There have been many before you.
You can count on me.	Don’t.
You don’t have to worry about it.	Start worrying.
You’ve got to be kidding.	I’m not kidding.
You have to see the big picture.	I’m not changing my position.
You have to understand…	You don’t need to understand—I’m not budging.
You just don’t get it.	You’ll never get it (or I can’t explain it).