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South Florida Entrepreneur Offers Tips to Airline Industry to avert
crisis |
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By Howard Melamed |
As the CEO of CellAntenna Corporation, I
extensively travel around the country and around the world.
The latest moves by the airlines to try to increase their revenue
base to avert disaster as a result of the rise of fuel cost does not
go unnoticed. Airlines have now gone too far as far as I see
it, with charging money for services they use to offer for
free, in order not to raise the basic rates they charge.
Of course a more honest approach would be if
they would only raise the fares they charge to customers but that
would be like gas stations rounding up the price of gasoline from
the usual 3.999/10 to 4.00. Delta
airlines recently announced that they will charge $50 per 2nd bag,
and other airlines charge for each bag, if you want a reserved seat.
On board the flights, you get substandard food, and even get charged
if you need a glass of water! What will they think of next? I
have come up with a reasonable list of items they can now institute
to increase their bottom line and take their companies out of the
red and into the black ( or is it the other way around?).
1. Charge each customer by the
pound. Airlines should have a scale at the
ticket counter where the customer and their luggage are placed on.
The maximum allowable total weight eye customer + baggage cannot
exceed 175 lbs. After that you get charge $2 per pound.
The basis behind this is the fact that airlines say that the extra
weight of baggage is costing them additional fuel charges. IF that
is the case, a lighter person should pay less, and a heavier
person should pay more. Fair is fair. It would b
important to confirm the weight immediately prior to the customer
boarding the aircraft incase he or she may of added weight by
consuming beverages and food at the food courts prior to boarding.
Similarly, exercise rooms should b placed near the jet ways where if
the customer has an increase they can work it off and save fuel
doing it.
2. Charge for Landings. Takeoffs
are free. I like this one. The hat gets
passed around the plane and if there is enough funds, the plane
lands. It puts the pressure on the passengers who want to get
somewhere onetime, and takes the pressure off the airline who can
simply slow down and wait.
3. Charge for people breathing in
oxygen. A natural for those low cost airlines
that charge you for everything from the seat assignments and pushing
in front of other people waiting in line.
4. Manufacture license plates
while in Flight. Flying can be boring
especially for those long distance flights where there is nothing to
do. Forcing passengers to do something useful for a change
will not only be good for them, but give the airline a revenue
producing center they never thought of before. Aside from
License plates, passengers can have the choice of making other
stuff, like stuffing bears, making running shoes, or
even calling other future passengers telling them that their flight
is delayed. The airline can save millions on this idea.
5. Charge First Class passengers more
and economy passengers less : This is inline with
Obama's new screw those rich bastard plan. Reducing the cost
of a ticket for those who cannot afford to fly by raising the
tickets of the wealthy in this country makes a lot of sense for
those social democrats that live in San Francisco. Obama also
has suggested that Airlines inflate their tires more to save fuel on
taxing and takeoffs.
6. Cut off one engine when in flight.
This conserves energy by lowering fuel consumption while increasing
the heat generated inside the plane caused by nervous passengers
worried about flying at lower altitudes due to one engine. At the
same time, passengers can be fed beans and the resulting increase in
heat and methane can be used to power the generator on the plane
keeping the lights on in the cabin during the flight.
7. Force passengers to load their own
luggage onto the airplane. This saves the
carrier a lot of money since they will not require any of those
baggage handlers that always mishandle baggage anyway. As
well, those passengers that have little disregard for the weight of
the bags will have to schlep the bags and learn a lesson. This
goes hand in hand with forcing passengers to clean up the plane and
service the bathroom. I also thought of charging 10 cents for
use of the bathroom, but this would only result in those cheap
passengers soiling seats, however charging for soiled seats would
increase the revenue at the bathroom. I also thought about removing
the chemical toilets on planes altogether and allow the free fall of
humane waste. This was how it used to be anyway....at least
that is what we were told when we were kids.
8. Signs behind planes.
The FAA could allow airliners to pull those signs
commonly seen on small planes that constantly go up and down beaches
or circle stadiums during football games. Each plane when
taking from an airport would be required to circle a beach, stadium
or other important event thereby adding additional revenue to the
airlines. For extra money, people can arrange to have
those great signs like " Will You Marry Me Rebecca" or "Happy
Birthday Julie" signs pulled from coast to coast.
9. Flight Attendants to Give
Massages : Virgin Atlantic used to provide
this service for free to upper class passengers. ( leave it to
the brits to make you feel superior to lose lower class passengers)
. This service charged to passengers would provide alternative
sources of revenue, as well as allow flight attendants to make some
extra money on the side, settling any problems associated with the
lowering of their salary as the airlines look for more ways of
saving money. Part of this plan would allow flight attendants
to charge for services, on a pay as you ring plan. The first
question you ask would be free, and then a $10 charge for every
question thereafter. This will ultimately reduce those nagging
questions from passengers like " Can I have a pillow" or " where is
the filght sickness bag".
10. Crop Dusting and Fire
Fighting: Airlines can charge farmers to crop
dust at the same time of flying those routes that no airline can
make money flying, like between Schroon lake and Plattsburg, or
Sedona and Flagstaff. Any airline flying into California can
bring along a tank full of flame retardant liquid that they can drop
over the many fires in the forests of California. While
flying low over crops and fires, the passengers on board can be
charged a special fee for the 'tour' .
11. Take off only when the plane
is full : I got this idea while in the taxi of one
of this drivers in the Caribbean port on a cruise ship. The
taxi had 12 seats and the driver waited until all seats were filled
before deciding to go to the beach. There should be no
pressure on any airline to take off unless every seat is
taken. Passengers should be allowed to do what I was allowed
to do, and that is, pay the driver, in this case the pilot,
extra money for those seats that are not filled, so that the airline
can take off on time.
12. Allow seat sharing :
Airlines can increase their revenue by
allowing some passengers to stand part of the way while others are
seating and then halfway on the trip they can exchange.
Special standing belts will be required of course.
13. Charge for Seatbelt Demonstration
: I think that if you don't know how to work
the seatbelt, and need to be shown how to do it, you should
compensate the airline for it.
Of course the airlines will find
other ways in which to increase their revenue instead of raising the
price of the ticket as they continue to try to hide the cost of
plane travel. As a passenger consider the fact that not only do you
have less choices of who to fly with, but at the same time, you are
getting the "royal" treatment by whatever airline you happen to
pick.
If you have any other suggestions please let me know and I will
include them in this article.
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