Coral Springs F.L. = Mayberry N.C

Which type of city  do you want?
by Howard Malamud

Revised 05/20/02

There are various reasons why you moved to Coral Springs. Perhaps  you really liked our low crime stats, or that we have so many parks. Maybe it was because the housing in this area is a great value or you heard about our great schools. If you made the decision to move to Coral Springs, perhaps it was because Coral Springs reminds you of what a big city isn’t . Friendly. Mayberry USA.

That may have been the type of city we were many years ago (1990) but many things have changed over the past few years and if it continues this way, we will be more like New York , NY than Mayberry N.C.

Nowhere is the change clearer than at the city commission meetings where the formality of a big city has pushed aside the calm of a small town.  To address the Mayor one has to wait until the time allotted. You can’t just shout out and say:  “Hay Mayor…What about the hay in the barn at Farmer Joe’s place. Any chance of giving’ us a help’n hand?” , like you would in Mayberry. Instead you are allotted the 3 minutes to voice your opinion and concerns. Sometimes if he likes what you are saying he  will let you ramble on just a little more. If he doesn’t, he instructs the policeman on duty to shoot you and carry you outside where you can’t disturb him any more. Just like in the big city (so I have been told).

Our mayor  is not like the mayor of Mayberry.  He thinks of himself as a ‘king’ and this town as his own Fiefdom. He likes to rule and dispense proclamations to his citizens like making Tuesday illegal for someone to buy a McDonald’s hamburger.   Declarations make the mayor feel like the King, and we all know that  it is good to be king. (See Mel Brooks, Blazing Saddles). The Proclamations are all like the following:

  ” Whereas in response to the growing concerns of the majority of the population in regards to the striking of matches contain phosphorus and sulphur, and whereas the wheareasers have decided that it would be in the publics best interest to tell the public that they are stupid. We hereby decree that the period of time from May 1 to May 3 between the hours of 3.a.m. and 4. a.m. (in the morning) shall be forthwith and outright declared as Child Safety Match Day”.  (Applause)

In Mayberry Andy would simply go around to all of the townspeople and say something like ‘We ought naught give matches to the youngin’s cause they could hurt themselves”. Andy was no king in Mayberry. He was just a nice guy.

In Mayberry, there weren’t a lot of ordinances. In fact, a lot of the rules where left up to Andy. Even drinking in the town only resulted in you being put into the small jail. You were even rewarded with Aunt Bee’s home cooking. Here in Coral Springs ordinances are constantly being implemented  limiting our rights and freedoms for the good of the majority, or the commissioners, whichever comes first. 

How about the Pooper Scooper law?  That is the one that makes it illegal for your dog to do its business in public. This type of ‘Business’ would never be discussed in Mayberry.  First of all the way it is written, the only way that the police can give you a ticket is if they have a picture of your dog actually doing its business. It is your neighbor that rats on you and he is the one taking the picture! I wonder what they do with the evidence.  In Mayberry, this just wouldn’t happen. 

Aunt Bee  wouldn’t  bother herself  with watching out of her  window with a camera just to take a picture of some dog pooping. She has other things better to do like baking a cake, or taking care of her nephew. Besides, I never saw Aunt Bee with a camera.  Perhaps in Mayberry they recognize the benefit of having their lawn  fertilized on a daily basis, in fact may be in Mayberry they would have issued the proclamation forcing you to have your dog do its business on the mayor’s lawn.

Our Police Chief  reminds me a lot of Andy Taylor  except with a mustache. I know he runs a serious department but you can talk to him just like Andy. I even see him eating at some of the restaurants in town and he looks at me ands says  “Hay!”.  I like Roy. He really likes his job, and the only thing that he is missing is a fancy police car like Barney has.

We have a lot of Goober and Gomers in our city.  I am not suggesting that anyone on the city commission reminds me of them I am saying that they are all around us in this town of ours. I can’t point to any one individual. Besides, how many Goober and Gomers do you think we have in a city of 118,000?

We have a local barber shop just like Mayberry,  It is called ‘Nick’s’ . It is located on University Drive. The last time I was At Nick’s I noticed a few people that reminded me of ‘Floyd’. They even talked like him. 

This town is full of good natured kids like Opie. Our schools are filled with them. However, these days the Opies are being treated like bad kids having to be subjected to metal detections, drug searches and other pressures of our time. But we have nice parks. We have a mall.  Opie was safe in Mayberry. He went fishing with his father. In Coral Springs you are not allowed to fish in the canal. Not even with your father.

Which town do you want to live in? I suppose that is the real point about this article. Coral Springs started as a nice small community and somehow lost its focus on being that neighborly Mayberry type of town. Our city commissioners and mayor will tell you that this is a big city with lots of problems. That is why they put more  rules and regulations in place. That is why they make proclamations to make everyone in this town think that Coral Springs is a big city.

My vision of Coral Springs is a lot different then theirs. This is a small town and I like it to stay that way. We do not need proclamations to try to make us look like a big city. Instead we need more reminders that this is a small town with good people in it. We do not need ordinances that further limit our rights, but rather more communication with our neighbors to enforce more respect with each other. Coral Springs is not Mayberry, but wouldn’t it be nice if it was?

Comments? editor@www.rfcj.com

Comments:

I totally got a chuckle out of this article. True – it would be nice to go back to theway things use to be in C.S. – but – if your eyes are open – you have to admit that C.S. has drastically changed in the past 10 years. We have become over populated, people no longer have any respect for each other, the kids look like delinquents, people are down right rude. It sure would be great to go back to the Mayberry days – a little common sense, courtesy and friendliness could still change this town – trufthfully – it’s all over theU.S. It’s just the times – will it ever change??????

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BARN:  I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.  I tell you, this is
just the beginning.  Going around breaking street lamps!  City
property, mind you.  Next thing you know they’ll be on
motorcycles and wearing them leather jackets and zooming around.
They’ll take over the whole town!  A reign of terror!
ANDY:  Barney, these are just boys you’re talking about.  They’re only
about eight years old.
BARN:  Yeah, well today’s eight-year-olds are tomorrow’s teenagers.  I
say this calls for action and now!  Nip it in the bud!  First
sign of youngsters going wrong, you’ve got to nip it in the bud.
ANDY:  I’m going to have a talk with them.  What else do you want me to
do?
BARN:  Well, just don’t mollycoddle them
ANDY:  I won’t.
BARN:  Nip it!  You go read any book you want on the subject of child
discipline and you’ll find every one of them is in favor of bud
nipping.
ANDY:  I’ll take care of it.
BARN:  There’s only one way to take care of it.
ANDY:  Nip it.
BARN:  In the bud!